Heavy Heart

Tonight I cannot sleep....and I write this with a heavy heart. I have cried a lot of tears since about 5:00 today and honestly couldn't say why.  I couldn't quite pin point why I've been so on edge and emotional....and then it all became very clear.

I haven't shared this with very many people, but about a month and a half ago I received a letter in the mail from the Attorney General. It was notifying me that the man that hurt me two years ago was appealing our court case. It was of course a very scary thing to read and my heart may have stopped beating for a moment as I read the words on the page. I had a very emotional conversation with my husband and my mom that night....and may have even woken up a dear detective friend to try and make sense of what I was reading. After a day or two of grieving, I decided to not be upset about the possibilty of his appeal making any headway, that I would tuck it away and not think of it again..until I had an answer. Why worry about something that I have no control over.(Easier said than done...but I have manged to not think too much about it this month.) My family and husband have been very encouraging and my sweet dad called the Attorney General the next day and found out that we should expect the Supreme Courts answer to the appeal by the end of this month.

I haven't really paid attention to the date...but we are closing in on the end of June...and I think that explains my un-explained anxiety for the past few days...although I am just now able to put the pieces together. I'm scared....flat out scared. I feel that I know deep down in my heart ...what the result will be...and that i will look back on my fear....and realize I had nothing to be afraid of at all. But waiting is agony. I want my answer, so that this time next week, I can be celebrating once again another victory.

My prayer is simply that God will not let the courts eyes be blinded by words on paper that hold no depth or meaning. That they will see that every man and woman on that jury last April, saw what everyone else in that court room did: A man ....guilty for destroying another's sense of safety and security. A man who if not put away for life,will strike again and again and again. It is my prayer that this will all be over soon and that once again justice will prevail full force and with a vengence. I hope you will pray this with me as well. We fought a good fight, and I will fight it again if I have to...(but I really don't want to...which is what makes this so difficult)

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." -Exodus 14:14