I'm sitting in bed this morning thinking. I feel so many tugs at me and my heart...and it provokes the thought of not having time. I feel everyday, the spiritual warfare around me. It is so easy to not realize that it exists because we can't see it; but I know it's there. Ever since May 16, 2010 it's like my senses have been hightened and I can feel things in the spiritual world that I never took the time to notice before.
Back to to topic of time. Take a moment and look around. Listen to the conversations of others and even listen to your own. What are they about? Most of the time about life, money and houses, jobs, cars, bills, things we WANT! (Especially around this time of year). And what I hear myself saying and others saying the most is, "I just don't have the time." or "I just need a few more hours in the day." If you stop to think about what is taking up your time...it is all so important. It's ususally work, spouses, children, committments, taking care of what you've been given and creating a life and home that is "welcoming". All important and all needing attention. The problem is it all takes time.....THAT SEEMS TO BE SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS. I feel that just like everyone else...I'm always thinking in my mind what my next...(you fill in the blank)It could be purchase for my home or Party I will host or even worse WHAT CHORES DO WE HAVE TO DO TO MAINTAIN OUR DOMAIN??? Part of that is just me...I enjoy making things pretty and bringing something to it's fullest potential.It's part of my soul. I will never stop trying to improve my home or thinking what else will make a room complete (the decorator in me). There reaches a point though that you just stop. The point where I am today. My usual want for more...has stopped. (It may only be brief, but it has.) This morning I find myself wanting less. I feel that if I had less to take care of, then I'd have more time. To be honest, I'm craving time. Time to enjoy life and not feel enslaved to a TO DO LIST, time with the Lord (not just personal quiet time and prayer...but deep meaningful time to study His word without interruption), Time with my husband that isn't distracted by a phone call or laundry or dishes that have to be done, time to enjoy all the things we work so hard for. I find myself wanting LESS! Less to take care of, less to worry about, less to check off of my never ending list. This is not because I'm not grateful for all that we have....I am beyond grateful for all the Lord has provided and it won't be long before I'm back to my human ways of Want, Want, Want. But here, now, in this moment, I want less of this world and more of the spiritual world we were created for.
I feel enslaved by our earthly home somedays. I can feel the warfare going on around me....and I am far more mindful than ever of the things that take up my time. Again, time away from what' most important. I feel that satan looks for every way possible to disract us and he steals our time. Time that I am so desperatley fighting to gain back and I feel I am never successful. I feel the guilt and the agony over it knawing away at my heart....and I know that as life continues it only gets harder. Add children to your family, age, illness, more money which will equal more to take care of. I feel it coming and it worries me.
I can feel God saying, "Give it to me, Listen to me, and Slow down. All of this I have given to you, but don't let it take over. Give it back, share it and if it all went away tomorrow, know that none of it would matter. What matters is who did you love? Who's day did you make better? Did you stop to make a meal for a family in need? Did you take the time to pray for someone hurting? Did you choose not to answer a call so that you could spend more time with the person sitting in front of you? Did you turn off your favorite show and pull out MY WORD and talk to me? What you accomplish is important, working hard is important and taking care of what you've been given builds great character. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you cooked the perfect meal, or if your laundry is folded and put away, or if you finally got that china cabinet and that bedroom painted, or that the dog was groomed and all of your thank you notes are written and your house is spottless. What matters is TIME, the TIME you gave to what really needed your attention. Did you take the time to show My love to others?"
I feel God telling me this as if we are having a face to face conversation. I'm in tears because I can feel the war around me...and I know it is a battle I will be fighting all my life. I pray to always be mindful of how I am spending my time and am I spending it ways that please God? Am I touching a life and helping a friend instead of making my life "perfect" and I spending quality time with my husband instead of shopping or asking him to do more? All the while growing closer to the Lord.
This life is so fast, over in a blink of an eye. Time does not exist unless we consciously create it.
Oh Lord, give me the heart to make time for all that is truely important and not on meaningless tasks and unfulfilling ventures. Let me be able to stop and step away, to examine my life from the outside and to know when I need to re-evaluate priorities. Let me always remember that "to whom much is given, much is required." I ask for you to make me mindfully aware of why I am here and to always see beyond the "here and now". To love others as you have loved us, to share our blessings and to teach others about you, to love those in our lives that so richly invest in ours daily and to know you more and more, because at the end of the day.....that is all that matters. Please give me the gift of time unwasted.
